The Warm-Up: Pogba, a keeper with a 93rd minute backheel and Mourinho v Mata

People, it’s over. It’s finally over. Like a beloved old pet nearing the end, we all knew it was going to happen, but we just needed final confirmation so we could all get on with our lives. Paul Pogba is back, or he is #Pogback, according to the social media whizzes at Manchester United: presumably therefore when he gets a red card he will be #Pogbanned, if he has an argument with Jose Mourinho and is made to train with the kids he’ll be #Pogbanished and should he kick off in Manchester city centre hotspot Tiger Tiger he will be #Pogbarred.

From the looks of the photo announcing his return on Twitter, United paid £40million for his arms, legs, head etc, and the other £53.2million for that absolutely colossal Adam’s apple. Seriously, look at that thing: it looks like he’s swallowing a grapefruit, whole.

United’s kit manufacturers Adidas celebrated his return and the sale of about a billion more shirts by making an advert with a young man called Stormzy (he’s a rapper, granddad), in which Pogba reveals potentially the first RIFT in the United squad. You’ll note he performs a certain popular dance move in this clip, which begs the important question: is Pogba attempting to usurp Jesse Lingard as the dean of the Dab University? One to keep your eye on.

It’s good to take your time over big decisions, to sit back and weigh up all the options, to really mull things over before taking the plunge. So, a mere three weeks after Steve Bruce left and with plenty of time (five days) before the start of the new season, Hull are set to appoint Mike Phelan as their new manager.
Sure, they don’t really have any players, the fans hate the owner and it’s taken them the better part of a month to give their most important job to a bloke who’s been there for the last 18 months anyway after they couldn’t get the man they wanted (Chris Coleman), but this season is probably going to be fine. Absolutely fine. Totally fine.

In more priorities news, West Ham have spent £20.5million on Andre Ayew. A fine player, for sure, but for a team already with about a billion attacking midfielder/winger types, that’s a lot of wedge to splash on another one. Perhaps Slaven Bilic, not deterred by last season’s ‘mixed’ experiment, really is convinced by the idea of Michail Antonio: full-back. Maybe he’ll try Manuel Lanzini as a centre-back, Dimitri Payet in nets and Gokhan Tore as the bloke who directs people away from the Westfield shopping centre and towards the Olympic Stadium on matchdays.

When German third tier club Duisburg were 1-0 to Osnabrück at the weekend, they did the only sensible and logical thing and sent goalkeeper Mark Flekken up for a corner to cause a bit of havoc. He managed rather more than that though, backheeling a cheeky flick home to bag a share of the points. Your move, Jimmy Glass.

At the other end of the ‘Oooh, that’s quite good’ scale, Fernando Llorente had a golden chance to open his account for Swansea in their pre-season friendly against Rennes but, well…the short version is…he didn’t.

Jose Mourinho and Juan Mata, eh? It’s a love story for the ages. Except without any of the love. Mourinho doesn’t seem to enjoy Mata’s patient, smart ball-use, while Mata doesn’t seem to enjoy being taken off half an hour after coming on as a substitute. Tony Evans over on ESPNFC doesn’t think this one will last.

When the current national team are huffing and puffing to a 0-0 draw with Iraq, boos raining down on them from the stands, it’s worth remembering when they were good. So with that in mind, it’s a very happy birthday to Mario Zagallo, former Brazil player and manager, who is 85 years young today. Here he is scoring in the 1958 World Cup final – not sure who bagged the others, you’ll have to look that one up yourselves.

If you’d missed the summer’s big marketing news, then The Warm Up is here to tell you that the Football League underwent a rebranding so we’re now all obliged to call it the EFL. Which also means that the League Cup, known variously in the past as the Milk, Littlewoods, Rumbelows and various brands of gassy lager cups, will now be known as the EFL Cup.

That gets underway tonight, so you’ll want to stay tuned for big clashes like Accrington Stanley v Bradford, Preston v Hartlepool and Walsall v Yeovil. Still, it’s football, isn’t it? And some football is definitely better than no football.